RANTINGS OF A LUNATIC

Can I say that I am getting really pissed off at the shattering level of cognitive dissonance in our culture?  I shouldn't be surprised when I cast a broad view across the cultural landscape of our history and pay any attention to the utter bullshit emanating from what were imagined to be reasonably rational institutions and officialdom in general.  Endless assertions of justice for one party based on discriminatory utterances and prejudice toward another party.  From the authorities it is an endless barrage of the rich having the right to protect their stuff because the poor are scrounging scum.  Then there's what might be deemed the general opinions and views of sections of the poorer population like that ex-servicemen shouldn't be left homeless because they fought for Queen and country.  Currently their fighting is mostly an abhorrent evil being committed as lackeys for a pathologically psychopathic oligarchy.  On this scale of justice they are lucky to still be alive and not burning in the fires of hell.  But they are human, maybe misguided and betrayed, but human nonetheless.  On the basis of being human, not on any particular service, they should not be deprived of respect and a reasonable and dignified way to survive in this society.

What has got me somewhat distressed is the peculiar insanity over this issue of the man with the t-shirt.  Oddly I have even been accused of being anti-Semitic over this issue.  I really don't give a damn about Semitic or not Semitic, black, white or fucking purple, male, female, asexual, hermaphrodite, transgender or what the fuck people want to get all hot and bothered about.  One thing I know is I am evil.  I can wish people harm, I sometimes tread on spiders, I'm not always saintly and without blemish in my dealings with people - damn it, there are people I would burn to death in my imagination.  But I am good too.  I am emotional, friendly, excitable, creative, intelligent, thoughtful and there is much that one might call love within my repertoire.  I'm human.

So what is this problem with people constantly justifying their complaints about their personal treatment or their view of the world in terms of justifying it based on there not being anything wrong with themselves and often by basing it on prejudicial views of others?  Of course I recognise the symptoms of cognitive dissonance in me.  My anger at the moment may well be caused by an error in my current model of reality being questioned internally.  Of course every observation about the world out there is also an observation of me.  If it were so simple as inverting and/or transposing the view to simply acknowledge a definition of me there would not really be a problem.  Am I anti-Semitic?  I don't think so.  I have views on the French, the Chinese, the Jews, the Muslims, sailors, ballet dancers and any number of discernible groups or categories of humans.  There are positive and negative aspects in all those collections and the same applies to individuals including those with multiple personalities.  So why did it bother me that someone accused me of being anti-Semitic?

It turns out not to be because I am anti-Semitic but because the individual picked on a quote I referenced by David Cameron which referred to Jews.  The Jewish content (that is: DC's utterance) was entirely circumstantial and had nothing whatever to do with my point.  But for all that I said, he ignored the actual content and homed in (quite ridiculously) on the reference to Jews and deduced that I wanted to say Jews did 9/11.  This was so obviously ridiculous I had to ask myself what was upsetting me.  Then I got it.  He was ignoring my central communication and projecting his problem at me.  I would make a guess that he has a hang up about being anti-Semitic.

This particular projection of prejudice hasn't troubled me much but I was interested to notice the ripples of disturbance.  Now when I do the self reflection I realise it hurts me that I am both not heard (or seen or recognised or validated) and, even worse, misrepresented.  I clearly am hypersensitive to being reflected erroneously.  I have had this issue for a lot of my life with respect to being male.  It makes a kind of sense.  I am just a small, innocent, blond haired, blue eyed, inoffensive, very nice little boy (history).  Of course when I am talking to people as a 6 foot, slightly hairy, physically strong, male (who clearly in some cases stereotypically dominates) I don't understand why they have the reaction they do when I assert a point of view.  But it is simple prejudice.  They are, due to their upbringing and experience, already frightened of me (pre-judicially).  (Of course this is not always the case.  I am referring to the times when it is the case.)

And then I get it - I am prejudicial to other people.  I hasten to add not much (but I'm always open to other people's views) but I am.  Having been betrayed, on a level that clearly was significant to me, by both my parents I am actually wary when anyone expresses anything akin to love or friendship.  I actually don't trust people.  I don't think this can be resolved correctly by simply trusting people - that seems evidently stupid and quite an imposition on their freedom.  But there lies an interesting self reflection.  The big question for me is "Do I trust myself?"  The answer appears to me to be probably more than most but ultimately "No".  Hmm - Maybe that is something to work on.

Do I care if this world goes to hell in a hand basket?  Well yes, actually I do.  But I'm beginning to understand why.  I care because it is my world, it always was and always will be.  (That is not exclusive of all other people and every form of consciousness.)  I don't have to be in the same room or the same town as, say, my daughter, to actually care how she is.  I don't have to be in any particular place or time to care about the world which is, ultimately, me.  I care about this world and the people, animals, plants, rocks, et al.  But there is the bigger issue - do I trust it?  I think at the moment I have to leave that as an unknown.