Sunday, 21 October 2012

It makes me so MAD!

That took me by surprise!  My sister turned up.  Now I have many sisters and some are easier to get along with than others.  An objective a view as is possible from a subjective position would suggest that the more damaged the individual the harder they are to get along with.  The irony of this is probably exposed in the fundamentals of Christianity - Love your enemies!  However I am subjective and I am in a very bad place - I am, in fact, quite injured.  This particular sister is normally okay but she does have a tendency to promote positive thinking.  I guess what I see is the same problem I have with religion in that they are so unconvinced of their own beliefs they actually require reassurance that they are right to bolster their failing conviction.  They are trying to maintain their own delusion that allows them to trample on other people where necessary to keep themselves feeling good.  It only happens when you abuse people so the evidence is clear that there is a lot of abuse about but hey - we knew that.  Anyway she starts with the "How are you?" gambit which is designed to make her feel good by being a caring person.  Why do I say that?  Because when I don't kowtow to her requirements and alleviate her of any guilt in my pain by lying and saying I am fine she feigns concern and asks for details but in no time at all she is invalidating my answers as if to prove that I am somehow inherently wrong.  She tells me, amongst other things, that she has discovered that the only person who can do anything about your life is you.  So she points out quite clearly that the only person who can make my life better is me.  I do point out that that is not true but she exclaims that it isn't up to other people - at this point it becomes a little hard to reproduce her insanity because when I stop to think about it it really doesn't make sense.  That is why I want a recording device.  But I do point out through gritted teeth that she might try pointing that out to the Jews.  At this point she complains that I always introduce these bigger pictures and she is not talking about the Jews.  So I suggest she tries telling it to the American Indians or the Witches or the victims of the Inquisition or the Industrial Revolution.  But I am apparently still wrong because she isn't talking about any of those.  At this point I had raised my voice but then she told me not to shout at her.  So I stopped.  Then she complained that I was sulking.  I left the room.

So now I have written a tiny piece to vent a miniscule part of what is profoundly upsetting me.  No one wants to read it.  It will sit in cyberspace floating around in a metaphorical, hypothetical, virtual void.  Ok so I indulge in a little surreal artistic literary creativity.  But it probably makes sense anyway.  My point is that this is like a molecule or a grain of sand - seemingly insignificant in its individual existence but the beach and the whole world are made up of bits like this.  I really am going to have to write the book.  But what I want to write about now is the Jimmy Savile scandal.

1 comment:

  1. I may have half sisters....then again I may have children I don't know about.

    What the hell?...